Equity: Lotus Drops & Sariah Storm

Lotus Drops (olives, mushrooms, artichoke hearts)
Sariah Storm (veggie combo)

A militant splinter faction of False Profit, LLC identified only by the deliberately mysterious digraph “XX” has demanded control of the company’s monthly happy hour party and installed a new lineup.

Their agenda is unclear but seems to focus on issues of low-frequency audio and the associated political and philosophical implications. “We’ll show you what ‘Equity’ sounds like,” said faction member Auntie B, a well-known activist and women’s studies major.

False Profit’s own Director of Gender Relations, Mary Prankster, responded by saying, “I don’t really care who it is as long as the music makes me tear the shower curtain out of your bathroom.” The two then exchanged neckerchiefs in a show of mutual trust and goodwill.

Company officials asked everyone to remain calm and offered $2 Red Stripes in an attempt to have the whole thing blow over.